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5000 Miles…

Wednesday, April 13th, 2016

To the woman I love.

This is to you Shianne. Since no one really knows you, I feel I can use your real name without making one up. If find it strange, almost wrong that I feel closer to you, someone who is 5000+ miles away from me, then I ever have to anyone else. You know me better than all but a few of my friends, in fact I can name off just a few people who know me better than you. I feel like I have known you forever, I swear since high school, which was 10 years ago. That’s a third of my life. And though it all you have been there, always. Sure, we have our issues, we have argued, fought, not talked for a while, but we have also loved and shared and supported each other. I have had a sense of pride I will call it when I think about you. You’re always soo driven, so caring, loving, and hard headed. I have seen you grow, without ever really being there. You have graduated school, gone off to college, gotten a job. And even though I may be sitting here in a little room, half a world away from you, I still feel pride knowing that I know someone soo amazing. I feel wonderful knowing that I love you, and that you have always accepted the love I feel for you. I also smile every time I think about the fact that I know that you will always feel love for me. I have done many things in this life that I know I should be proud of, many things that I know other people are proud of for me. But thought it all, what I feel most proud of is the fact that many years ago, I found you. I know that no matter what, at least in some way, I will always have you. You may not know it, but many, many times, you have been my rock, the only thing that has made my darkest days a little brighter knowing that you were here, just a message away. Knowing that at least in sprit I could be with you and spending time with you. Through many tough times I have always used you, the thought of you, your voice as my anchor, my guiding light, knowing that no matter how dark things got, I always had you. If you only knew the impact you have had on my life. If you only knew the things I would do for you. I have said it many times, and most people know it to be true, but I don’t really plan on getting married again, however, for you I would gladly break my word. The thought of spending the rest of my life with you always fills me with such joy that when times are down, I always imagine you and I, in our house, on our couch, years from now, just sitting there and watching tv. That image alone has saved me from many a dark places. And that’s just one reason I love you. Piled on top of all the other reasons I love you. It seems silly I’m sure, but I have tried before to count the reasons I love you, it’s always turned out in failure because when I try, I always have too many to count, I repeat some over and over because they are always true. I love you for many reasons, your dedication to your schooling, your brain, your smile, your love, the way you can always make me smile. There are many reasons I love you, and I know I say that often too, but I find more and more reasons to love you every day, I find more and more things out about you every day, and it all adds to reasons I love you. I hope I never stop learning about you, learning of you, learning with you. I also love how you know things I don’t, and that I can learn from you. You have no idea how sexy that is to me. Just the fact that you can always surprise me. You know what else I love about you, that you love me. For some reason, you have loved this crazy, fat, stupid, often over worked or under employed, mostly penny-less, person that is me. And it’s that and the little things that make me love you more and more every day, like the fact you can’t have dairy. Cause you know what that means, it means if we were together, I would have a reason to not keep ice cream in the house, and therefore wouldn’t eat it, lol. It’s the stupid little things like that. Often are the times I have gone to bed at night wising you were here with me, often are the times I have stayed up all through the night just to talk to you more. There have been times where I have come home, worked to the bone, ready to collapse, and your message is there waiting for me, and it gives me strength, and then I have stayed up all night, just to talk to you. I know I ramble, and digress in this, but the point of my writing this is many things. I want to be able to put down how I feel, I want to be able to say I love you. I have never cared who knows that I love you, but saying it out loud where you can at least see it means something to me, then you at least know that when I tell you I don’t care who knows, you believe me. Some of my friends have always known about you, some haven’t. All I know is that I love you and care for you very deeply. I want nothing but for you to be happy. But it hurts me more than you can imagine when I know that you need me, and you need to be held, and here I am, 5000 miles away and powerless to do anything other than tell you I’m here for you if you want to talk about it. I can’t hold you, cant even kiss your forehead and hold your hand in mine.

I say it again, is it odd, is it wrong of me to be soo deeply in love with someone who is 5000 miles away. Is it strange that I feel closer to you than I do anyone else, or in fact than I ever have felt with someone else. 5000 miles. That’s a lot. More than most people can even think of. But through all those miles, sometimes I feel as if I’m right next to you, as if I can reach over and put my arm around your shoulder and pull you close. You are the woman I love. And I will always love you. Always care about you. Its soo strange knowing that I care for someone so much, and will most likely never have a chance to see in person, to even tell you to your face that I love you. 5000 miles is a lot, and each one of those miles weighs on my heart more than anyone knows. But in the darkest hour, when the desperation gets it’s worst, I just remember that I do love you, and I close my eyes and imagine that smile that I have seen soo many times, and it all goes away again, the miles seem to disappear, and all the light comes back to my life. So, is it odd, wrong, or bad to feel this way for someone I have never met, and may never meet. I say no, because in my heart it feels right. In my heart I love you. That’s all that matters to me, is that I love you.

Everything is a cycle.

Tuesday, March 18th, 2014

 Just about everything that could happen has already happened. Now, sure, it hasn’t happened in that way, at that place, with that sort of intensity, or with that level of subtlety. But despite the fact that every event is unique it doesn’t mean that the event isn’t just the particular part of a reoccurring cycle, one that has been present, and will again be present.

 We need only look at nature to see an example of this concept. Good ol’ Sol, our sun, rose this morning. I know, I saw it. Today, will never come again, it’s a unique event and, therefore, one important factor concerning today’s sunrise is unique. The sun also rose yesterday, and will likely rise again tomorrow, both themselves unique events, and yet all three sunrises are part of the same cycle.
 In my daily life, I take take this concept and apply it to everything that happens. I wake up every day, I eat every day, I do some amount of work, and take part in some amount of leisure every day. Nothing in my day is perfect, but when I notice something that I don’t like (whether it simply irks me, or REALLY grinds my gears) I reassure myself that this is only the current instance of a reoccurring cycle. I have incredible control over the variables and conditions affecting my surroundings (not complete control, but still substantial) and I can make a note, mental or physical, with the goal of reminding myself to assert my control, leverage my influence, and allow the event to pass with a different outcome. Sometimes this outcome is more agreeable to me, sometimes it is less, but what it rarely is, is unchanged.
 Now, you may be asking “That’s all well and dandy, Chris, but you just described in detail something that EVERYONE is doing. What is the purpose of this?”
 The purpose, my dear readers, is this. When something happens that I don’t like, I cope with it by reassuring myself that (1) this one event is not the sum of all existence, and it (2) will, in fact, come around again allowing me an infinite number of opportunities to change it. I can do this without getting my feathers ruffled, because, to a certain degree, it’s all under my control.
 How? Well, look at what I did there. I am acknowledging the control over the situation that I DID NOT exert. Control that, in some situations, was completely wasted. This can, at times, be difficult to spot, partially due to the fact that I’m looking for something that didn’t happen (Like a book entitled, “Where’s the Empty Spot that Waldo could be Standing”).
 On one hand, doing this sucks, because, instead of thinking this was beyond my control, (which is relatively easy) I am accepting the part I played in something I didn’t like (a much tougher pill to swallow). But here’s the kicker. Once done, this brings that event back under my control. I know that, as reliably as the sun, it will come to pass again and, when it does, the part that I played last time can be played again, but differently. In this manner, I can change anything in my life, given enough time and determination. (a significantly easier pill to swallow)
In my daily life:
I take part in everything, whether actively or passively. Even things I do not like. I can always do it differently next time, because there will always be a next time, because everything is a cycle.

The past is a funny thing. pt1

Friday, February 28th, 2014

The past is a funny thing. I believe most intellectually developed people would look at it and deduce the belief that the past is a static thing. But is that, in fact, the case? It would certainly appear that way because we only experienced one past, or recall having experienced one past.  Add to that the fact that other people took part in what you remember, and they too, recall only one past, and it’s easy to come to the conclusion there is one, objective, past that all beings shared in.

 But is there really an objective absolute version of everything? If so, how would we know it? Let’s assume for a moment, the concept of deceiving others doesn’t exist, and you were able to spell out your account of everything from the furthest moment back you remember, to the moment you were currently experiencing. Would that be the truth? Now imagine whether we had your closest friend do the same, do you think they would match? I have a very good feeling they would not. Who is right you, your friend, neither, or both? Well, right relative to what, or who? Because relative to yourself, you’re right.
 I have witnessed this on multiple occasions, for example when a husband and wife recall a tale differently. In the absence of an absolute, objective version of their story, they are forced to face the fact that there is no objectively “true” version of the past. (In these scenarios the husband usually leveraged his culturally-ingrained sense of dominance and forced the wife to verbally acknowledge his inability to comprehend paradoxical truths by suppressing her truth)
 What you remember is arguably an important thing. Your thoughts and opinions are heavily influenced by your accumulated knowledge of something, and that knowledge, regardless of where it came from, is held as true within your mind. But here’s the kicker, everyone remembers things differently. If your version of the past is unique to you, and still true to you, but everyone else who exists or has existed has a different story they base all their thoughts and opinions off of, then an interesting concept is revealed. The past is not static, there is an infinite number of versions of it.


Tuesday, February 18th, 2014

So you’ve nabbed yourself a designer and life is good. You inherently feel more creative and have a new found confidence wearing glasses. But before you dive headfirst into a world of logos, coffee and deadlines, there are a few quirks you ought to consider when dating designer folk.

Dating a designer – it ain’t easy

1) They are always right:
You may think it will be fun to re-decorate your living room with the help of your designer partner, but you’re wrong. It’s not fun. Not unless you are familiar with pantones, rules of aesthetics and tungsten lighting. Forget mixing your Mexicali rug with a French provincial coffee table, it’s just not going to happen. It goes against the theme, babe.

2) Ditch Microsoft Word, and Publisher, and PowerPoint:
They will scoff at your use of comic sans and appear frustrated when you don’t understand the importance of good kerning. They will take to the formatting of your resume with a hatchet, and the outcome will be spectacularly more professional than your best suit.

3) They don’t keep office hours:
Some days it may seem like they spend hours sourcing GoT memes and sending you links to puppies falling asleep, while other nights you go to bed alone and are woken at 12 am by cold computer hands. It all comes down to good versus evil clients and deadlines. But you can’t say they aren’t proud of their work, you’d be hard pressed to find a designer willing to hand in something sub-par just to make it home in time for Survivor.

4) They speak another language:
It’s called ‘Adobe’, and you will never understand it.

5) They freaking love fonts:
If your designer is unusually happy today it’s probably because they just stumbled across a bunch of boutique fonts. And they are freaking out. At one stage they may even try to make you watch a documentary on Helvetica. This is normally the point in the relationship where you re-evaluate your life choices.

6) You’re living with a geek:
You’re going to have to come to terms with this. They will geek out over the new iOS home screen and you will not understand why, especially when you’re yelling for them to come upstairs and help you update your laptop because for some reason all your contacts have disappeared.

7) Gift shopping sucks:
It truly sucks. Sometimes you may even resort to typing “stuff designers like” and “birthday presents for designers” into Google in the hope that something amazing and costing approximately $80 (with shipping included) will pop up on your screen. It never happens and nothing will ever be cool/clever enough.

8) Your wedding invites will be awesome:
Think of how amazing they will look. Think of how jealous your friends will be when they go to choose their own sucky wedding cards out of the catalogue at the printing store, or worse – order them online. Revel in your own, perfect, custom-made save-the-dates, invites and thank-you cards while you can.

9) Two is always better than one:
If you don’t have two computer screens, you’re an amateur. You don’t have a rechargeable mouse? You’re unprepared.

10) Form over function:
This fact mainly applies to buying groceries and choosing books. Who would buy that carton of milk when this carton of milk is matte with raised lettering. You think it feels like Braille, and are pretty certain it’s milk for a blind person, but they seem to dig it. Who cares that it costs an extra $4.50?

After all, a lot of people would consider you quite lucky to be dating a designer, they are a creative, imaginative and driven bunch of people. They will buy you the best Christmas gifts, shoot all your holiday photos on a good-looking camera, and save you from choosing a horrible, horrible bedspread. Plus, you will never have to learn the difference between CSS and HTML, and don’t even think about dealing with code.

Designers, they’ve got your back.

Podcast Update

Monday, January 13th, 2014

So, it looks like we will in fact get the podcast going again. Sounds fun. Now I just have to figure out how I want to put them up on the site. In a post, or in an archive? Any ideas anyone. I want to try and make this as easy, cool, and streamlined as possible. If anyone has any thoughts or ideas let me know. Also, if you have any thoughts for a podcast remember to start submitting them, or if you want to be in one let us know.


Tuesday, December 10th, 2013

So I really want to do a podcast about Futurama. Not sure what it will include yet, but I really want to do it. Now I just have to set up everything to record it, and somehow find people to be included in the podcast. That’s the real hard part. Any takers??

New-age Relationships

Wednesday, August 14th, 2013

So, I was on one of my many social sites today, and I say someone post this “I don’t need a perfect relationship, I just need someone who won’t give up on me.” I found myself responding to her thus “I hope you find that one who wont give up. That’s sadly hard to find no a days. We live in an age where if something breaks, we don’t fix it, we just get a new one. Sadly I really do believe that has translated over to relationships, and not just things…” And that got me thinking about how truly right that statement was, if not more right then even I made it.

It seems like relationships now a days are disposable, when it breaks, or doesn’t work like you think it should, you just seem to toss it and get a new one, I know, it’s happened to me plenty of times, but that’s not what I find most shocking about it, what I find shocking about it is that we have come to the point in our civilization, where the young people start viewing relationships more as things, and possessions, then for what they truly are. Now what they truly are can vary depending on who you ask, personally I see a relationship as a life. Something you work at, something you strive to perfect and care for. Not as a common object that you can throw away at a whim when it suites you. That is just my opinion, and not that point of what I am writing here.

Now, I have posted this before, possibly not to wise, and possibly not too old yet, friend of mine once said, “The problem with your generation Joseph is that you all feel entitled to things, like it’s owed to you, did you ever play soccer?” and so on. For those of you who know what I’m referring to, keep reading, for those of you who don’t, sorry, the old posts are now gone. Anyway, I digress. My good friend told me that, and I see it all the time, and with relationships it seems to be coming into reality more and more. Young people seem to see relationships now as something that is owed to them, that is supposed to work to make them happy, and if it doesn’t, it must be broken, and thus need to be thrown away and replaced. Now I understand I’m not that old yet, I’m still young, I still have a lot to learn, but when I was little, we treated our things with respect, and cared for them, cause we knew if we broke them, we would have to fix them, or live without them forever until we could EARN a new one. So, if relationships truly are “things” now, why don’t we have just as much respect for things as we used to?

To answer that, it’s because we are a disposable society now, when something is old, broken, or doesn’t work right, we throw it away and get a new one. Think what you want about things and stuff, but the last time I checked kids, relationships are not things, and even if they were, they are sacred things, that should be treated with the respect, kindness, tenacity, and love that they are deserved of. You do not simply throw away a relationship. In doing so you are also throwing away someone else. So now, not only are you treating relationships as things, but also the people in them. The idea, that we can even have those views on relationships and the people in there just shocks me. It truly does.

I seem to be rambling a bit, back to my original point, this girl, this seemingly lovely, beautiful, sweet, obviously caring girl said “I don’t need a perfect relationship, I just need someone who won’t give up on me.” She seems to know where she is headed in life, or wants to be in life. She seems more then willing to work towards a relationship and not just casually toss it away, and the fact that she doesn’t want a perfect relationship shows me that at least there is some hope in this world that not all the young generation sees relationships as disposable. It shows me that some people are still willing to work at a relationship to make it work, make it perfect in their eyes. I applaud her for saying what she did, and meaning it. And I truly wish her all the luck in the world with her search, and I know with the attitude she has she will find someone who views relationships as she does, and is not willing to just give up, and will stick with it, and work at it to make it as perfect as they both can.


Monday, November 26th, 2012

So, I believe that hospitals should have cots, and of you’re in the waiting room after 10pm they should offer you one to sleep on… That is my thought for today, good night to everyone who isn’t at the hospital right now.


Sunday, November 11th, 2012

Well the time has come again. With no job I had to relocate back to Sonora. It wasn’t that hard, what will become hard now is finding a job with my parents always wanting me at the house to do work, yet complaining I havent found a job yet. Also, I need to do a walk around town and find some clients for websites or business cards or something. But with E.D.D. messing up my unemployment stuff, and me having to go back in tomorrow, it makes gas money hard to come by… Oh well, I will figure it all out. Just wanted to keep the site updated…

Podcast or bust

Friday, October 12th, 2012

Ok, so I’m wanting to start doing podcasts again, I need some help from the readers however. If you want podcasts, let us know, and also leave some ideas for us in the comments. If we get this going and make it a regular thing, then I will make an idea page for the podcasts, and also a place on here where you can listen, or as always you can find them on iTunes. But really, let me know, give me some ideas, and I will get the guys together and we will start making podcasts again, reviews or stuff, rants, or just random ramblings. Or if you’re really special you might get to hear some of our D&D, or RIFTS games, lol. But really let me know.


P.S. Also, I may let you in on some of the podcasts if you’re idea is good enough and if you’re cool enough.